After the divorce

Mrs and Mr M. are divorced. Mrs. M. lives with the two children, 11 and 13, in the common house. For some years she works part-time and now intends to seek a full job.

Mr. M. has a new partner and wants to get married again. It is his desire to sell the house so that he has money for a new beginning. He currently bears most of the financial burden left on the house. Mrs M. does not agree with the sale of the house. She says that she wants to give the children the familiar environment, that the separation of their parents has been difficult enough for them, and that now they must offer them stability and stability.

This issue ignites now a dispute between the two. Mr. M. goes to his lawyer and inquires about legal possibilities to enforce his interests. However, the lawyer advises him against legal action. That would be expensive and tedious. In addition, a lawsuit of the parents is always a big burden for the children. Instead, he recommends a mediation. Mrs M. agrees to a mediation.

First of all, the mediator gives both parties of the conflict as much room for the representation of their respective perspectives. Closer illumination of the conflict points gives the following picture:

The separation of the two took place on the initiative of the man. He did not take this step easy, but now he is glad that he did it, and that this phase is behind him. In his new relationship, he is happy and optimistic about the future. Only the attitude of his divorced wife in relation to the house sales burdened him financially and emotionally. He does not understand this and accuses her of wickedness.

Ms. M. is far from ready to look ahead. She is still emotionally busy with the separation. Also it shows signs of overload. The education of the two pubescent children is very hard on them, the house requires a lot of work, the change from half to one place means another change, maybe even a change of employer. She no longer has the strength to move with the children now and to cope with the next serious change.

Mr M. was unaware of these aspects. But now his attitude towards his divorced wife changes. Ms. M. notices this and comes a bit out of her protective defensive posture. The fronts soften. The two can meet each other differently on this level.

The mediator now brings them into conversation together until the first solution approaches become clear.

Ms. M. asks her divorced husband to take more care of the children and better coordinate with her on education. That would be a great relief for her. The two can agree on that.

Looking for a flat and moving in, Mr. M. offers financial support so that a broker and a removal company could be hired. Mrs. M. is now too fast.

The two agree that Ms M. is looking for another job. She gives herself three months to do so and agrees to put in a lot of energy here. Mr M. will not continue to push for house sales during this time. After the deadline, a broker will be commissioned with the sale of the house and the search for an apartment for Mrs. M. Since this will probably take some time, Ms. M. will support her divorced husband more financially as soon as she has a full-time job.

The agreements are fixed in a mediation contract. If necessary, after the deadline has expired, a new mediation session will be held to discuss compliance and implementation of the agreements.